bucket list!

Muffy Bucket List Item #2710: To give a handjob using the same hand on which is prominently displayed an official "My Heart Belongs to Jesus" Purity Ring -- and to anonymously post pictures of said hand on hardcore porn forums all over the internets. Lemme tell you something, my friends...if one of my kids ever came to me and told me they wanted to marry someone they'd never slept with -- I'd kill them myself.

pharamceutical fruitbasket

Sometimes you just gotta delight in the little things -- like the auspicious pattern in which your morning meds and vitamin supplements spill out into your meathook, willy-nilly...like an awesome gift from the gods.

activist bastards

I love it that the most sinister bastard of them all -- that Opus Dei piece-of-shit Scalia -- is making like a satanic priest in a Renaissance painting with the cryptic hand symbology...slyly alerting us to which realm he truly serves: The Underworld. God, I hate that guy.

disgust

What a coincidence -- the same five soulless, mindless, malfeasant shitheads who anointed George W. Bush as president thought this would be an awesome idea. Tell me, where is the conservative, batshit crazy Patriotic Tea Party outrage over this corporate gang-bang of Lady Liberty, motherfuckers?

Iraq can kiss my fatass.... What we need in this country is a good ol' fashioned CIVIL WAR, my friends -- those who think that Sarah Palin would make a fine president...against those who wouldn't fuck her with Pat Robertson's dick.

You know which side I'm on.

http://www.alternet.org/rights/145322/supreme_court%27s_%27radical_and_destructive%27_decision_hands_over_democracy_to_the_corporations/

requiescat in pace

Hands down, the best and wisest advice I ever got was from my fabulous, scandalous Sicilian granny, Rose: "Honey, go and sit in the car when you pluck your chin; the light is better out there."

COMPLETELY ON TRACK

notes

A really marvelous, interesting, and inspiring piece on where the music industry is headed -- BACK INTO THE HANDS OF THE MUSICIANS, motherfuckers. According to the amazing Amanda Palmer of The Dresden Dolls, "Everyone has to stop thinking there is an answer. The answer is, there’s an infinite number of answers."


http://www.onthemedia.org/transcripts/2009/10/23/06

moisture

My passionate love affair with the Kinks continues. "Powerman" makes me moist -- perhaps because it reminds me so much of the music that my brilliant husband makes. Methinks I really do need to kiss his lippies.

MAKING ME MOIST

Miniature knitter!

truth

Life is FAR too short to use cheap, shitty yarn.

truth

To all you right wing pricks whining that Obama hasn't fixed us up all nice yet:

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU. It took your boy, Bush, 8 years of ass-raping us with no lube to get us where we are in the first place. Give this poor bastard a chance -- he's only cleaning up Republican feces, after all. Where were all you goddamned patriots when W&Co. was parking their meat bus in your ca-ca locker for nearly a decade? FUCK OFF.

truth

To all my crunchy, tie-dyed, big-bushed, hairy-armpitted, patchouli-reeking comrades out there -- and god knows there are many: I love you and admire your commitment to protecting the earth, but GOOD GODDAMN...all your hippie household cleaning products don't work FOR SHI-OT, and for god's sake let's not pretend they do. Tea Tree oil can kiss my fatass -- I need some ol' school Clorox bleach up in this motherfucker.

T&D

I fall in love with the heads of dead men and poets.

williamsburg

The only thing that could possibly make me love this video anymore than I do is if my darling niece and nephew were in it.

Oh.

They are.


Hipster 101

Buttons strung across your chest on the strap of your fabric DIY bag? Check.
Square, black Geek Chic spectacles? Check.
Skinny leg jeans and deck shoes? Check.
Raggedy Anne Red ...hair dye? Check.
Worn out Converse? Check.
Exposed chest on the girls? Check.
White belt? Check.
Disordered hairstyle? Check.
Conditioned facial hair? Check.
Self drawn tattoos? Check.
Vintage shoes? Check.
Elvis glasses? Check.
Conceited head tilt? Check.

"Hold your own jacket please
I'm not in the mood
Millions of trains under the ground
This city was the blueprint for hell

Passed out, sleeping at your party
Dream of leaving in the morning
You will all die in Williamsburg
Too hip to even clean your nose out
Your grave is pulling at your pants now
You will all die in Williamsburg

Bored again
Watching the rats
Eat all your food
At least you'll be used to
The place you'll be soon
This city was the blueprint for hell

Passed out, sleeping at your party
Dream of leaving in the morning
You will all die in Williamsburg
Too hip to even clean your nose out
Your grave is pulling at your pants now
You will all die in Williamsburg

Do you know how obvious you are?
You were born in New Hampshire but you say you're from the O.C.
Brooklyn's a death bed
For clones of the same kid
Stuck in the party
That was lame to begin with
Yeah, yeah lame to begin with

At least you'll be used to
The place you'll be
This city was the blueprint for hell

Passed out, sleeping at your party
Dream of leaving in the morning
You will all die in Williamsburg
Too hip to even clean your nose out
Your grave is pulling at your pants now
You will all die in Williamsburg."


Fuck Williamsburg.

Annoying Silver Lake hipsters REPRESENT.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq9RhEvtvnY

truth

“As I get older, I just prefer to knit.” -- Tracey Ullman

truth

My problem with the dethroned Miss California, Carrie Prejean, is not that she's a whore -- ALL OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE SHAMELESS WHORES, MYSELF INCLUDED. My problem with her is that she's a phony, sanctimonious, self-righteous, fascist, ignorant, intolerant prick.

The real problem with broads like Prejean and all her horseshit conservative christian ilk is that they fail to realize that their sinful whoring IS THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT THEM.

tambourine

"Festive Nephew" is the name of my new band.