When you have teenagers in the house, you can never, ever fuck. All we have to do is quietly shut our goddamn door and those kids -- dickin' around on Facebook and listening to Lady Shithead in their own rooms -- will suddenly look up from what they are doing and scan the air...as if sensing a disturbance in The Force. Within 30 seconds, they are knocking on our door looking for Starbucks money and a ride. Here is my theory: You spend the first half of your life hiding your sexuality from your parents...and the second half hiding it from your children.
One word: INFANTICIDE.
Muffy Bolding
- Muffy Bolding
- Muffy Bolding is a mother/writer/actor/knitter/radical feminist/withered debutante who likes the smell of asparagus pee, and remains obsessed with the bathroom hygiene of her three children -- despite the fact that they are 23, 19, and 16. She is blissfully married to a cute Jewish boy who looks like Willie Wonka, but remains tragically in love with the dead poet, Ted Hughes. Ms. Bolding lives in Los Angeles, where she enjoys typing words, making movies, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. She was the co-creator and Editor-in-Chief of the award winning satire zine, Fresno Lampoon, and in between writing screenplays, carnival barking, and savagely threatening her trio of darling larvae with a wooden spoon, she currently publishes the zine, "Withered Debutante." More of her work can also be found in the anthology, "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts", as well as in The Cortland Review and hipmama.com. She is currently writing and producing for film and television, and working on a book of essays entitled, "Inside A Chinese Dragon." She has slept around, but not nearly as much as she would have liked.
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