When you have teenagers in the house, you can never, ever fuck. All we have to do is quietly shut our goddamn door and those kids -- dickin' around on Facebook and listening to Lady Shithead in their own rooms -- will suddenly look up from what they are doing and scan the air...as if sensing a disturbance in The Force. Within 30 seconds, they are knocking on our door looking for Starbucks money and a ride. Here is my theory: You spend the first half of your life hiding your sexuality from your parents...and the second half hiding it from your children.
One word: INFANTICIDE.