Listen to what I am saying to you now. Put down the Xanax, the crucifix, the straight razor, the bullwhip, the Botox, the Don Julio, the Crisco, the tit-clamps, the Jumbo's Clown Room frequent flyer card, and the latest issue of Trannie Hands Weekly...and take just five minutes out of your busy schedule of whining and sniveling about your miserable goddamned existence and READ THIS STORY. This may just be one of the greatest things I have ever read IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT, my friends.
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