I am so relieved to hear that Abby Sunderland, the 16 year old who was attempting to sail solo around the globe, has been safely plucked from the Indian Ocean after SOS rescue signals were sent out from her little boat yesterday. I certainly admire this girl for her bold and adventurous nature...but as a mother, I do, in fact, have a real quick question for her parents:
ARE YOU OUT CHO' MOTHERFUCKIN' MINDS?
In their comments to the press, they've said that Jesus put their daughter out on that boat in the first place and that it was Jesus who plucked her young ass from the sea -- but either way it might've gone...well, that was just fine with them. COME AGAIN?
What is it with these Born Again Hard Bastards that they just LOVE to sacrifice their children on the altar of the lord. THEY LOVE IT. Well, I say FUCK ALL THAT. The lord can just take somebody else's baby -- my baby ain't goin' anywhere ALL UP THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER. I'll chain all three of those adorable little biatches to a wall in their bedroom and feed 'em Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries and let 'em watch Jersey Shore until the end of time. Better to end up buried in Snooki's Orange Cookie...than Davy Jones' Locker, I say.
Shantih, shantih, shantih...and amen.