And speaking of online debauchery...there was the SENSIBLE TAUPE PUMP GUY -- and then there was the I AM OBSESSED WITH YOUR THIGH MUSCLES GUY. Whereas STPG just wanted me to pretend I was stuck in the mud and frantically pumping the gas pedal while he watched...IAOWYTMG wanted me to pretend that I was lying on my back in a rail-yard, wearing light blue Dolphin shorts, a tube-top, and tube socks, putting my feet up against the sides of massive boxcars, and PUSHING THEM OVER WITH SUPERHUMAN FORCE...all while I sang, "Rockytop" at the top of my lungs. Over and over and over again.
This is a true story.
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