Way back in the Internet Stone Age (mid-90s), my friends and I used to troll through AOL Chat Rooms looking for scandal and belly laughs -- oh, and trust me, WE FOUND 'EM. One guy from like Ohio wanted to have Cyber-Sex with me (remember that??), so, just for shits and giggles, I accommodated him. Being new to all that horseshit, I was absolutely STUNNED when he revealed his kink: He wanted me to pretend that I was driving a midsize sedan that was stuck in the mud...and that no matter how many times I frantically pressed down on the gas pedal -- WEARING A PAIR OF TAUPE PUMPS WITH A SENSIBLE HEEL -- I just couldn't get myself unstuck. I remember thinking, "YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS, PAL."
Well, fast forward to 2010 -- and, surprise, surprise -- come to find out that it is now a THING. When it comes to debauchery, it seems my fatass is ALWAYS ahead of the curve. You shoulda known that I always know where to find the boys AND the booze!
Pedal Pumpin' Motherfuckers