Friday, January 22, 2010

last meal

One of our favorite things to do is venture out and discover new and yummy places to eat. So, last week, Gregory and I tried a new (to us, anyway) Mediterranean restaurant just a few miles up the street. The food was excellent, but what made the entire experience turn the corner from delightful into SUBLIME was the darling 60ish Middle Eastern gentleman over in the corner wearing a cabby hat and smiling a hugely self-satisfied smile whilst playing tunes like "Hotel California" and "Endless Love" on an electric organ. Yeah.

At any rate, although I love me some Mexican grub, I have officially decided that Middle Eastern Food is my absolute favorite -- and, to me, that includes Afghani, Lebanese, Greek, Arabic, et al. If I knew that I was going to be strapped into Ol' Sparky and fried in a couple of hours for crimes against humanity (okay, more realistically for putting a hollowpoint bullet through Kevin Federline's oddly-shaped skull, but whatever), the order I would place for my Last Meal would include some pita bread, cherry basmati rice, stuffed grape leaves, chicken shish, falafel, and a bigass platter of tabouli. Oh...and a massive Diet Coke -- with that little crunchy ice you don't find much anymore. Then, and only then, would I be ready to meet my fucking maker -- with cucumber-yogurt sauce dripping sensuously from my chin like some baggied-out porn star after the Money Shot.

This got me to thinking about the whole reverent symbolism placed on the Last Meal (could it perhaps be some quasi-Jesus thing?), so I turned to that modern cultural authority on all things modern and cultural -- Wikipedia -- and there I found a list of the last meals of the infamous and not-so-dearly departed:

Famous Last Meals

* Matthew Dudley: 2 party pies, a sausage roll, 3 rissoles, and some cold, soggy chips.
* Wesley Baker: Breaded fish, pasta marinara, green beans, orange fruit punch, bread, and milk.
* Ted Bundy: Steak (medium rare), eggs over easy, hash browns and coffee.
* Victor Feguer: A single olive.
* John Wayne Gacy: Fried chicken, fried shrimp, french fries, and fresh strawberries.
* Gary Gilmore: Hamburger, eggs, a baked potato, coffee and three shots of whiskey.
* Timothy McVeigh: Two pints of mint chocolate-chip ice cream.
* Stanley Tookie Williams: A glass of milk.
* Perry Smith and Richard Hickock: Shrimp, french fries, garlic bread, ice cream and strawberries with whipped cream.
* Adolf Eichmann: Half a bottle of Carmel (a dry red Israeli wine).
* Bruno Richard Hauptmann: Celery, olives, chicken, french fries, buttered peas, cherries and a slice of cake.
* Velma Barfield: A bag of Cheez Doodles and a can of coca-cola.
* Morris O’Dell Mason: Four McDonalds Big Mac’s, two large fries, two hot fudge sundaes, a hot apple pie and two large soft drinks.
* Henry Martinez Porter: Steak, refried beans, jalapeno peppers, flour tortillas, salad, ice cream and chocolate cake.
* James E. Smith: A small cup of yogurt.
* Richard Lee Beavers: French toast, barbecued spare ribs, scrambled eggs with bacon and sausage patties, french fries, three slices of cheese, two pieces of chocolate cake, and four small cartons of milk.
* Leon Jerome Moser: A large cheese pizza, cheese slices, cold cuts, pasta salad, iced cup cakes and a 2-liter bottle of coca-cola.
* Gary Haidnek: Two slices of a cheese pizza and two cups of black coffee.
* Joan of Arc: Holy Communion.
* Aileen Wuornos: Declined, but received a cup of coffee.

So, my question to you is...what would be on the menu for your Last Meal?

Also, I just gotta say, whoever she was and whatever she did...Velma Barfield sounds like she was my kinda girl: Real goddamned trashy.

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