Friday, January 22, 2010

"The years teach much which the days never knew." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6 cockeatin' 30. I had to take the darling Beastie and her darling boyfriend to the airport for their flight to Lost Wages. <---- "Lost Wages", of course, said with a snide, hateful sneer on my face.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
BOTH, goddamnit. I'm nothing short of a dirty, plundering, acquisitive whore who enjoys nothing more than a lazy afternoon spent guzzling absinthe, stroking my crab ladder, and plucking the rings from the fingers of the dead. Not really. I was just kidding! I loathe absinthe and the entire horseshit absinthe culture. But truthfully, I like jewels and stones and beads and doo-dads and gew-gaws and shiny baubles of all kinds, though their actual monetary or cultural value means very little to me; it's their sparkle and lustre that catches my cold eye. My husband calls me a highly distractable kitty-kat in regards to such things and thinks I must've been of the race of dwarves or hobbits in my previous life. Or a pirate, even. And besides that, I positively LIVE to "clutch my pearls" and act shocked at the behavior of it would be nice to actually have something stranded and nacreous there to clutch aside from merely clavicle or a shameless chain of hickeys.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Angels and Demons. LOVED IT.

4. What is your favorite TV Show?
Antiques Roadshow (Everytime they use the word "veneer", we get to chug-a-lug! Okay, so it's probably just seltzer water we are chug-a-lugging, but whatever.)

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Usually just really fucking good coffee (I insist on really fucking good coffee) and sometimes some soup or a salad.

6. What is your middle name?

7. Favorite cuisines?
Afghani, Ethiopian, Mediterranean.

8. What foods do you dislike?
Very, very few -- but prominent on that list are definitely slimy fried okra, lambchops and lychee (smells entirely too much like LOAD for my liking, thank you very much.)

9. What is your favorite chip flavor?
Salt and vinegar.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
An Anthology of Big Band Swing, 1930-1955. It's included in the group of music that I write to, and listening to it causes my heart to race and my to pulse quicken...and makes me feel connected to all the writers who have come and gone before me. You hear that, Mr. Benchley?

11. What kind of car are you driving?
A ruby red Honda CRV that my family and friends affectionately refers to as "The Crazy Rodent Vehicle" (CRV? Get it?) because my nickname around these parts is "Mouse". Yes, my husband and my children call me Mouse.

12. Favorite sandwich?
Reuben on rye...with horseradish. At Canter's.

13. What characteristic do you despise?
I quickly and deftly recoil in disgust from undignified personal drama in any form -- but worse than that, if you dare commit the cardinal sin of being uninteresting...fuck off, lady.

14. What is your favorite clothing?
Black dresses, cashmere sweater sets, cardigans, and homely, interesting thrift store dresses from the late 50's and early 60's -- and my ancient Bass penny loafers. Oh, and EARRINGS. Always always always with the earrings. Think demented debutante.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
London's calling.

16. What color is your bathroom?
Oh, christ. Fuck off. Who cares. Next question.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?
I adore Brooks Brothers -- both new and thrifted. Gimme old thrashed soft pink buttondown shirts and some of them ol' time New England coats with horn-toggle closures, and I'll most likely blow you for the difference, friend. And, if listing my favorite designers counts for anything...I like Betsey Johnson, Lilly Pulitzer, Calvin Klein, and Ralph Lauren. I think I must've been a fucking preppie pilgrim DAR club-lady in another life. A really drunken, chain-smoking, foul-mouthed one with questionable moral fiber, of course. Think Anne Sexton.

18. Where would you retire?
Truth be told, even though I would giddily skip-kick the wall-plug outta my own Mother's life support system to live in London, Dublin, or Edinburgh...I'll probably end up in a cozy beach house in Malibu surrounded by grandbabies and friends -- which sounds practically perfect in every way to me. I plan on being the world's most KICKIN' granny.

19. What was your most memorable birthday?
After about the age of 13, I realized that I don't really give a rat's ass about my actual birthday (in my mind, EVERYDAY is my birthday and made to be filled with fun!) -- so I don't really have any fucking answer to that query. In other words, I need extravagant birthday festivities held in my Paris Hilton needs her pussy stretched.

20. Favorite sport to watch?
Baseball, both major and minor league; oh, and if you were wondering, I like the Yankees. I'm nothing if not an ol' school purist.

24. Goal you have for yourself?
Books, films, travel, and eternal life.

25. What are your hobbies?
Books, films, travel, and eternal life.

26. When is your Anniversary?
Bloomsday; June 16.

27. Are you a morning person or a night person?

28. What is your shoe size?
7 1/2, sometimes an 8 -- depending on how fat I am. I currently wear an 8.

29. Pets:
Am in the market for a Chihuahua I shall name "Hamish."

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
Yes. Your mother's a whore. (Then again, who isn't after a few cocktails?)

31. What did you want to be when you were little?
A hostess on The Storybook Canal Boats in Disneyland. In fact, it's still my dream -- and I'll do it, too. Think I won't?

32. What are you today?
Writer, Mother, Libertine, Tart.

33. What is your favorite candy?
Green apple Jolly Ranchers -- but thanks to a touch of the diabletes, no can do no mo.

34. What is your favorite flower?
Violets. Lovely violets.

35. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
June 6th, 2006 at 6 a.m. He is risen! Oh, wait a minute. I missed it. Nevermind.

36. Anyone special in your life of the opposite sex?
My husband, son, father, Tom...and my best friend, Billy.

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