fresNO

So, The Daily Beast recently named Fresno the 55th smartest large city in the United States.

That's 55th out of ... 55.

To which I say, FUCK RIGHT ON OFF, HATERS...because aside from all the intolerant, misguided, right wing conservative morons who people the place -- oh, and trust me, THEM MOTHERFUCKERS DO PEOPLE IT -- Fresno is an awesome place to have grown up...and I wouldn't trade my time there for anything in the world. You might be surprised to hear that those things you may perhaps see in my character or in my work that you find in any way interesting or entertaining, were absolutely informed by a youth spent in the Land of The Dancing Raisins, Klein's Mighty Truck Stop, Lesterburger, Oberti Olive commercials with spokesman Al Fucking Radka acting the fool, and toothless hookers named Aquanetta, Rayleen, and Lupe sashaying Blackstone Avenue in tube tops and tube socks whilst oblivious local families frolicked in the original Me n' Eds Pizza Parlor right alongside them (BEST PIZZA EVER.) Rest assured, Fresno WILL be immortalized in my writing -- of that, have NO DOUBT.

To shamelessly steal from another artist who also dearly loved the hardscrabble place in which he grew up ...allow me to say that Fresno is in my ears and in my eyes. There is no escaping that for me...EVER -- nor would I want to. For better or for worse, Fresno is at the very heart of who and what I am -- and I would be nothing at all without it.

So, anyone who fucks with Fresno has got to come through ME first. I'll take off these gottdamned earrings right now and GO CHOLA on you motherfuckers. BRING IT.